Got to get things off my chest

Its so hard sometimes being a mom. It has it's good and bad days like today my oldest son Lukas whom-just turned four said

"mommy I love you"

four times today. Honestly I was shocked because he never says that to me. I usually say everyday

"I love you, just not your behavior right now. We say it all the time to him."

It can be ruff sometimes, but what you don't know is something I am going through that not many understand.  Depression I don't want to bring it up and when I do people don't know how to talk to me or just ignore it/me. This doesn't help my situation. I didn't know I had postpartum depression with my first born until having my second son Jordan. I told a friend what was going on and she knew how i felt and told me that i might have it, so i looked it up on the internet and yah it seemed correct. So i did therapy for a while and it helped. Buy Everyday is different. It hasn't been to the point were I wanted to kill myself or my children, but it makes you feel empty. You feel alone and not myself. I don't want to clean or go shopping (and the people who know me shopping is my thing). It just makes me not want to be around people sometimes and I can't help it. I am a Christian woman so I have prayed that God would fill that lonely and take it away for good, but he can only do so much when it comes to depression. I realized I have had it for many years which would explain my eating and lack of energy, not sleeping well, and just being soo angry all the time. I always felt lonely and not loved as a teen so it does explain why I felt that way. I just had to get it off my chest. Hi my name is Jessica and I have depression. Don't judge me just reach out and help me. Pray for me