Well we got Back from Disney on september 8th so it's been one week 2 days. It feels like it's been months since we got back. It was the busiest trip we have ever had. I think we probably will not do 7 day park tickets unless we are staying there for 10 days. I do need to have a nice relaxing vacation right about now, but enough of that let me tell you about our vacation to Disney.
When we landed we got to ride the Disney Bus to our resort. A nice 30 minute drive and a little movie. I swear i get more excited about this stuff than my 4 year old. I have been going to Disney since I was a little girl so it does feel like i am a kid again. Probably why i get so excited. Well lets get back to it. We started to get close to Disney Seeing the Walt Disney World sign. Which i had to take a picture of it. Showing the kids all the fun stuff around us. Then we saw the sign for Magic Kingdom woohoo I knew we were getting to the resort. When we arrived at Wilderness lodge i almost ran off the bus. I checked us in and we went to see the room. Then we headed to dinner at the Floridian. It was so beautiful there. Most of us had yummy steak. Then it was off to Magic Kingdom. We got a few rides in that night. I wanted to do more than what we did but we were so tired we just wanted to sit and relax. The whole week we got to go to all the parks and some parks more than once and some rides more than once. It did seem to be busier on Labor day weekend but once labor day was over we barely had any waits. It really did work out nicely.
I waited years to do Fantasmic and the last 5-10 mins it started to pour so we left and they shut it down a few mins later. Hopefully we can watch it again another time.
My oldest got to go on Splash Mountain and Big thunder mountain for the first time. Also Dinosaur was a first too. He could have gone on Soarin but I forgot to look at the high chart on the phone to see if he could go on it. He says Splash mountain was his favorite ride. Buzz lightyear was his favorite too of course. We got to go on rides we never went on before and got to meet characters that we haven't met in the 4 years that we have been there. But Toy story was his all time favorite and mine too. Some of the adult rides were kinda getting to me. This was the first year that i have EVER felt like I was done going on rides. It sucked I always want to be the first one on but not this time. I decided to shop rather than go on another ride. I had fun going on the kiddie rides.
It was a very special trip that is for sure I got to celebrate my birthday in the most magical place on earth. We got to go to Chef Mickey and I got a special cupcake with a big hug from Minnie Mouse. It was great. We were supposed to see Casting Crowns and Chris Tomlin at night of joy but since it was raining hard we couldn't wait till it stopped raining we hard to leave early for our bus to the airport in the morning. We did get to see Need to Breathe it was Jordan first concert and he loved it they did an amazing job. I was sad to leave that night sad to leave and not see my favorite artist sad to leave Magic Kingdom for the last time.
Things i will never forget. LB and myself went on his first ride on Splash Mountain he said he loved it but when we saw his picture he looked terrified it was so funny. JT also got to go on rides for the first time. He loved it and even fell asleep on the dark rides like haunted mansion. I think LB did the same when he was little.
Overall it was a very productive trip now it's time to a relaxing trip. Tried to convince the big guy to go on a cruise but that didn't fly.
Cant wait till our next trip to Disney. Who knows when that will be right now we don't have any disney timeshare or enough points to stay there which is usually the option.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Starting Preschool
Lukas first day of school is the 27th of this month. My little boy is finally going to preschool school something i have wanted him to do since last year. If i would have known he would have gotten into the program last year i would have done it. I was going to send him to a christian preschool last year but it cost a $100 a month which i thought was reasonable, but the big man did not think so. So i sent him to a class for a few months so he could get an idea of what preschool would be about. He liked it so I knew he will be fine in preschool.
Sending him to preschool does make me happy. Happy that he will be learning from someone other than me, happy that he will be getting what he really needs help with. Happy that he will be making friends that don't like 30 mins away.
Every parent is scared to send their kid off to school especially public school. I know for me their is a fear that the kids he meets might be a bad influence or he will get into problem. He seems to be more of a follower like his Daddy so it kinda scares me that he will fit into the wrong crowd and do what he is not supposed to. We will have to pray every day before school that he will make the right decisions and that the kids he meets will be the right fit for him. He is going to be in crete monee school district probably not the best but for his age it's fine.
I am looking forward to the field trips and the parties. The experiences and the memories he will be making at school. He remembers a lot of things so i know he will remember school. I know I remember Kindergarten better than Pre k the fun things you did in school. I will never forget the circus we put on. I was one of the announcers and since I had a loud mouth the teacher didn't have to give me the mic. It was so much fun.
The only down side to him going to school would be me missing out on Bible study and moms group and other activities because i live so far away I would take me 45 mins to get to the meetings. Since school starts at 8:30 and ends at 11:30 it wouldn't give me much time to do anything. I have to drive 13 mins to his school so it is time consuming.
I love that i will be getting to spend more time with Jordan helping him grow and learn. He is also easier to shop with so i can get things done. Jordan doesn't beg for things like Lukas. It takes me twice as long to shop with Lukas due to him wanting stuff and having a fit. I can go for a nice walk with Jordan too, Lukas doesn't like going to walk for a long period of time. It is sad o think of all the things I can get done with out him 2.5 hours is not enough time.
10 days till he starts school 10 days.
Sending him to preschool does make me happy. Happy that he will be learning from someone other than me, happy that he will be getting what he really needs help with. Happy that he will be making friends that don't like 30 mins away.
Every parent is scared to send their kid off to school especially public school. I know for me their is a fear that the kids he meets might be a bad influence or he will get into problem. He seems to be more of a follower like his Daddy so it kinda scares me that he will fit into the wrong crowd and do what he is not supposed to. We will have to pray every day before school that he will make the right decisions and that the kids he meets will be the right fit for him. He is going to be in crete monee school district probably not the best but for his age it's fine.
I am looking forward to the field trips and the parties. The experiences and the memories he will be making at school. He remembers a lot of things so i know he will remember school. I know I remember Kindergarten better than Pre k the fun things you did in school. I will never forget the circus we put on. I was one of the announcers and since I had a loud mouth the teacher didn't have to give me the mic. It was so much fun.
The only down side to him going to school would be me missing out on Bible study and moms group and other activities because i live so far away I would take me 45 mins to get to the meetings. Since school starts at 8:30 and ends at 11:30 it wouldn't give me much time to do anything. I have to drive 13 mins to his school so it is time consuming.
I love that i will be getting to spend more time with Jordan helping him grow and learn. He is also easier to shop with so i can get things done. Jordan doesn't beg for things like Lukas. It takes me twice as long to shop with Lukas due to him wanting stuff and having a fit. I can go for a nice walk with Jordan too, Lukas doesn't like going to walk for a long period of time. It is sad o think of all the things I can get done with out him 2.5 hours is not enough time.
10 days till he starts school 10 days.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Not doing so good
You have no idea what someone is going through until you Really ask.. not just ask them how they are doing but ask them How are you really doing. Right now i am not doing so good and just need to get it out. I'm i diseased or just not friendly. I feel like i have mosquito spray on me all the time and repel people away. I hate this i hate this feeling. I hate this feeling of loneliness the feeling of no one wanting to be around me. Why does this keep happening. I know everyone is busy with all that is going on in their lives. I feel like i don't know how to be a friend and never knew. I have had so many different friends through out the years that were my best friend. I think it all started when i was little..my best friend moved out of state and i didn't know how to deal with it no one explained it to me. That is when it all started it was like i had to find that person like her and never did.
I swear this is probably why i watch tv it gets my mind off of things... just like that i started Grimm and can't even remember what i was writing about. Thinking is what triggers it thinking is what makes me think these things.
You don't know what is going on with someone Until you really ask.
Just think about that never time you see someone and you ask how are you doing?
A real friend would listen and want to really know how you are doing.
No one has ask me that for a long time now so it makes a person feel like no one really cares about you.
I swear this is probably why i watch tv it gets my mind off of things... just like that i started Grimm and can't even remember what i was writing about. Thinking is what triggers it thinking is what makes me think these things.
You don't know what is going on with someone Until you really ask.
Just think about that never time you see someone and you ask how are you doing?
A real friend would listen and want to really know how you are doing.
No one has ask me that for a long time now so it makes a person feel like no one really cares about you.
Friday, August 10, 2012
22 days in a few hours 21
Well I had a goal I wanted to meet before I went to Disney.. right now I haven't met any of that goal. I swear things keep coming up. I feel like I need to work out 6-8 hours a day just so i could make my goal. I haven't been eating as much due to the sickness but i doubt i even lost anything.
Well less of that more of Disney. It is so exciting to think we will be there in less than a month. My baby will be there for the first time probably will be scared of all the characters. We will go back.. who knows when? A few months a few years. We love going making memories with our little boy.. now boys. It really is magical and with all the new stuff coming in i fell like a kid again. I wish my mom could be there with us. I don't know if she loved it as much as I do but i have a feeling she did. She would go with my father and brother to visit his family down in Florida. He loved his sister and his niece Traci so of course going to Florida was probably something they did often. I think sometimes when we visited with my mother she thought of him. She probably thought he would have loved this place and all the changes they have made. Magic Kingdom was always the place we went when we visited.
I know when we get there the first thing i want to do is see mickey. That night we arrive we are heading to Magic Kingdom and i am giving mickey a big hug. haha sad I know but it just brings back memories of my mom saying just walk up to him. They didn't have lines like they have now. You used to just walk up to any character but if you didn't jump up to meet them someone would just walk up to them. I like the way they do it now were you have to wait in a line and not just a bunch of people standing around the character jumping in your picture.
I planned everything with this trip. Planning a Disney trip is something you need to do. You just can't wing it. Planning what park you have to go to where you want to eat, what you are going to do though out the day. I love to plan it and sad i did it so quickly this time. I really need to get a job where i plan other peoples trips. Where can i apply for a job like that????
All i know is If you don't get reservations you might not get to eat at a place you want to eat at. Or you have to wait Longer. Only one place we had to wait a bit but it wasn't a horrible wait. Our favorite place to eat in Disney is at EPCOT.. we love Coral Reef.. i don't like fish but they have something for everyone. The best part you have an aquarium to look at while you eat. Sometimes people are taking a private scuba lesson while you are eating. Our second fav place is Tutto Italia we love the Italian food there and the people there are great too. It is a great atmosphere kinda romantic. Something I always ask my hubby when we go is where do you want to eat.. he says i don't know i say well you have a few places you want to eat and those two plus plant hollywood are usually on his list but if not he is okay about it. We love food not just food but Good food and Disney has great food.
The one thing we are excited about is our Son will be able to go on the coasters. SPlash mountain, thunder mountain.. tower of terror ( not too sure he will go on it though) I showed him the rides on youtube and he is looking forward to it.. i think his dad it more excited about that part than he is. He will be able to experience new things the joys a growing.
The other thing that excites me about this trip is my birthday.. well not getting older but being in Disney while everyone says happy birthday to me because it is MY DAY. Usually my husband works on my birthday so it's never anything special at all this time it will be. Everyone forgets my Birthday of course my mother was the only one who really remembered it and always did a little something special for me. My birthday hasn't been a good birthday for a long time. This is the time that i miss her and those special things she did for me. I also get to hear and see my favorite band Casting crowns and Chris Tomlin. I know the other bands will be great too.
WEll we count down the days... soon hours and minutes until we get on that plane.
Well less of that more of Disney. It is so exciting to think we will be there in less than a month. My baby will be there for the first time probably will be scared of all the characters. We will go back.. who knows when? A few months a few years. We love going making memories with our little boy.. now boys. It really is magical and with all the new stuff coming in i fell like a kid again. I wish my mom could be there with us. I don't know if she loved it as much as I do but i have a feeling she did. She would go with my father and brother to visit his family down in Florida. He loved his sister and his niece Traci so of course going to Florida was probably something they did often. I think sometimes when we visited with my mother she thought of him. She probably thought he would have loved this place and all the changes they have made. Magic Kingdom was always the place we went when we visited.
I know when we get there the first thing i want to do is see mickey. That night we arrive we are heading to Magic Kingdom and i am giving mickey a big hug. haha sad I know but it just brings back memories of my mom saying just walk up to him. They didn't have lines like they have now. You used to just walk up to any character but if you didn't jump up to meet them someone would just walk up to them. I like the way they do it now were you have to wait in a line and not just a bunch of people standing around the character jumping in your picture.
I planned everything with this trip. Planning a Disney trip is something you need to do. You just can't wing it. Planning what park you have to go to where you want to eat, what you are going to do though out the day. I love to plan it and sad i did it so quickly this time. I really need to get a job where i plan other peoples trips. Where can i apply for a job like that????
All i know is If you don't get reservations you might not get to eat at a place you want to eat at. Or you have to wait Longer. Only one place we had to wait a bit but it wasn't a horrible wait. Our favorite place to eat in Disney is at EPCOT.. we love Coral Reef.. i don't like fish but they have something for everyone. The best part you have an aquarium to look at while you eat. Sometimes people are taking a private scuba lesson while you are eating. Our second fav place is Tutto Italia we love the Italian food there and the people there are great too. It is a great atmosphere kinda romantic. Something I always ask my hubby when we go is where do you want to eat.. he says i don't know i say well you have a few places you want to eat and those two plus plant hollywood are usually on his list but if not he is okay about it. We love food not just food but Good food and Disney has great food.
The one thing we are excited about is our Son will be able to go on the coasters. SPlash mountain, thunder mountain.. tower of terror ( not too sure he will go on it though) I showed him the rides on youtube and he is looking forward to it.. i think his dad it more excited about that part than he is. He will be able to experience new things the joys a growing.
The other thing that excites me about this trip is my birthday.. well not getting older but being in Disney while everyone says happy birthday to me because it is MY DAY. Usually my husband works on my birthday so it's never anything special at all this time it will be. Everyone forgets my Birthday of course my mother was the only one who really remembered it and always did a little something special for me. My birthday hasn't been a good birthday for a long time. This is the time that i miss her and those special things she did for me. I also get to hear and see my favorite band Casting crowns and Chris Tomlin. I know the other bands will be great too.
WEll we count down the days... soon hours and minutes until we get on that plane.
Sick...what to do when your sick...why did i do it????
Haven't blogged in a month due to being sick for a month. Something my husband will never understand is how hard it is to take care of a house, kids and yourself when you are sick. He didn't expect me to do much but he worked more than he usually does. The man refuses to call off when I need help. He was not well himself. When you are sick you don't want to clean or cook you want to sleep and get better. Well thinking I was getting better from bronchitis I got a horrible sinus infection worse than I have ever had before. My husband gave my youngest this infection who gave it to me and he got the bronchitis on top of it. Always someone Sick in my house. I stopped taking cinch from shaklee and got soo sick the vitamins and minerals in it must have helped me.
I swear so much going on i don't even want to get into it. Having blood work every week done and no results. It was good to hear that everything is fine with my ultrasound. I had to take these tests so I could get on zoloft. Their is more to this story but I don't want to get into it. It is frustrating and I don't know what is going on.
On the other had I had to do something while I was sick.. of course sleep but I found this free audible for a the first book.. I debated what book do I get. I already had the hunger games and didn't finish the first book yet so I didn't want to get that one and had no clue what would be good. Well I kept hearing about this 50 shades of Grey. Not knowing what the book was about I got it.. boy was I shocked at what this book was about. Not sure why I got it..even wishing I didn't get it... but couldn't stop listening to it. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.. why oh why did I listen to this book. Feeling like I need to wash my brain from what I just heard. Being so shocked at what was going on in this book. Why do so many people like this book. Why did I want to hear more of it. Not sure if I want to talk about this book with anyone just because of what was in it. Any thoughts guys what do you think of this book?? Have you read it?? Would you read it?
I swear so much going on i don't even want to get into it. Having blood work every week done and no results. It was good to hear that everything is fine with my ultrasound. I had to take these tests so I could get on zoloft. Their is more to this story but I don't want to get into it. It is frustrating and I don't know what is going on.
On the other had I had to do something while I was sick.. of course sleep but I found this free audible for a the first book.. I debated what book do I get. I already had the hunger games and didn't finish the first book yet so I didn't want to get that one and had no clue what would be good. Well I kept hearing about this 50 shades of Grey. Not knowing what the book was about I got it.. boy was I shocked at what this book was about. Not sure why I got it..even wishing I didn't get it... but couldn't stop listening to it. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.. why oh why did I listen to this book. Feeling like I need to wash my brain from what I just heard. Being so shocked at what was going on in this book. Why do so many people like this book. Why did I want to hear more of it. Not sure if I want to talk about this book with anyone just because of what was in it. Any thoughts guys what do you think of this book?? Have you read it?? Would you read it?
Friday, July 27, 2012
WHy oh WHy
What a week it has been having bronchitis having to take a pregnancy blood test, bringing my son to the heart doctor. NO wonder i was having anxiety. They needed to take the pregnancy test to make sure i can take an antibiotic. I also needed it so i could take an antidepressant.
Well it was negative and we were grateful i need to get things in order for my self first. When i got the blood test results they did tell me my liver enzymes were high. Hearing news like that made me very angry. I kept thinking enough was enough. Haven't we been through enough. We were both shocked and taken back by what the doctor said. I mean we found out my husband has a cyst on his kidney earlier this year.
It just sucks that things just keep coming up medically. I am just praying everything is alright and when they redo the test week that everything is normal. I am getting an ultrasound, blood work and another doctors appointment plus all the activities i signed the boys up for. It's going to be another crazy week to make sure i am okay.
We did get good news with my sons doctor appointment. He was saying his Blood pressure was good on his arms and legs which means no coarctation of his aorta. He even said the hole his VSD seemed to be getting smaller which was an answer to prayer. He was telling us that when he met with the doctors at Christ they said they didn't want to do surgery if it's not needed. I think they thought his hole would close.
I know they are just making sure everything is okay and it might sound like i am complaining but sometimes It really does help to talk about things even if it isn't to a person just letting it out your worries and problems.
Lord i trust in you i bring all my worries to you. Please help us at this time with the many things that have been put before us. We pray for peace with what is going on we pray for your love and help. Amen
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Disney TRIP
Well it's 40 days till our trip and boy i can't wait.
I look on all these websites to see the best way to do things there and how to work the Disney system. I count down the days until we go.. what rides we are going on.. i even go on youtube and watch Disney videos.. like i said before i am a Disney Freak and can't wait till the day we move there. 17 years till we move not sure if i can wait that long. But enough about that back to Disney
I just cant wait to stay right by magic kingdom at on of the very nice resorts. I mean it might not be the nicest of the four resorts. But it's so close to the best Theme Park.
We probably would have never stayed here if we had to pay full price i mean we are paying 1/4 of what people really pay it's like staying one night getting 6 nights free. These places are expensive though. People save their money for years just to go to Disney and you have to. I mean if i had to pay full price for the room we are staying at it would be 6000 or 7000 more for the room. Disney is nuts with the prices for their rooms and park tickets for sure. Between using our Disney points and getting a deal on park tickets is the only thing we are paying full price for. Disney Points are great yah having a credit card does suck but the points are paying for part of our meal plan.
I look on all these websites to see the best way to do things there and how to work the Disney system. I count down the days until we go.. what rides we are going on.. i even go on youtube and watch Disney videos.. like i said before i am a Disney Freak and can't wait till the day we move there. 17 years till we move not sure if i can wait that long. But enough about that back to Disney
I just cant wait to stay right by magic kingdom at on of the very nice resorts. I mean it might not be the nicest of the four resorts. But it's so close to the best Theme Park.
We probably would have never stayed here if we had to pay full price i mean we are paying 1/4 of what people really pay it's like staying one night getting 6 nights free. These places are expensive though. People save their money for years just to go to Disney and you have to. I mean if i had to pay full price for the room we are staying at it would be 6000 or 7000 more for the room. Disney is nuts with the prices for their rooms and park tickets for sure. Between using our Disney points and getting a deal on park tickets is the only thing we are paying full price for. Disney Points are great yah having a credit card does suck but the points are paying for part of our meal plan.
Weird dream
A few weeks ago I had this dream I was pregnant. It was really weird because it was so real. I was giving birth at home because the baby was coming so fast. I could feel the pain of having that baby. Surprised that it was a boy and we named him Cameron Michael. Wow what a dream. P.s don't steal my name we actually like it. I will never use a Name a friend was going to use or uses. so as the the dream continued we made it to the hospital so they could check the baby. They said the baby had a heart condition. Really even in my dreams my boys have heart conditions. They told me he would be on medicine for the rest of his life and then I woke up.
Not only was I shocked that I had a dream I was pregnant but I mad a dream I was giving birth. Let's just top it off witha boy and a heart condition. What does this dream mean. Does it mean we will be having another...does it mean somethIng with Lukas heart.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Depression and trying to cope
http://www.proverbs31.org/everyday-life/top-10-ways-you-can-choose-hope-and-claim-pea-2011-03/
A great site to help with Depression. I have always known that no one is perfect and only God is. So what i am going through doesn't mean i am broken or perfect it does mean that i am human. I need to look on the brighter side of things.
I know it helps when i keep myself busy so bringing my sons to the Y and church gives me that time to get out and be around people. It has been easier since we started going to the Y and started to work out together. I don't feel as angry or tired. I know that going out and doing things helps me with my Depression their are times were i feel like i really don't want to go out today.
The one thing i need to get control over is my anger and my short fuse. I hate to take pills and yah some of it can be that it is pride, but if it can help me with my anger than i need to talk to the doctor and get pills. I have been reading other blogs were moms have to do it for them and their family. Its about changing and not being the same anymore.
A great site to help with Depression. I have always known that no one is perfect and only God is. So what i am going through doesn't mean i am broken or perfect it does mean that i am human. I need to look on the brighter side of things.
I know it helps when i keep myself busy so bringing my sons to the Y and church gives me that time to get out and be around people. It has been easier since we started going to the Y and started to work out together. I don't feel as angry or tired. I know that going out and doing things helps me with my Depression their are times were i feel like i really don't want to go out today.
The one thing i need to get control over is my anger and my short fuse. I hate to take pills and yah some of it can be that it is pride, but if it can help me with my anger than i need to talk to the doctor and get pills. I have been reading other blogs were moms have to do it for them and their family. Its about changing and not being the same anymore.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Woking out week 2-3.. yah i know
Well today i felt so blah working out today i didn't push it as much. Didn't help that my stomach was growling and i had my cinch like 3 hours before but the hubby woke up at 1pm and we worked out after i got my hair did! Always a plus... it is what i call my SPA time. We started p90x it 3 weeks ago but since we had a vacation weekend it 2 weeks that we have done it. I bought this for my hubby in May i wanted to start sooner so we could have met our goal before our trip to Disney. For some reason the husband was reluctant. aka scared. But i have to give him credit he has been doing it everyday and has to push me to do it. The day that we don't have to work out i feel like i should be. I feel like i should be doing more workouts a day. Like in biggest loser. I know i don't want to get obsessive. This happens when i work out sometimes i either do it constantly or don't do it at all. I have to find a happy medium.
My other issue is food. We have a love hate relationship. I just have to eat the right amount of food i either go under or over what i should be eating. My fitness pal is a good site that was recommended by a friend but it's hard to get online and do it sometimes so i have no clue if what i am eating is enough. I tried writing down what i eat but i forgot to do it. I just can't remember that's why i stopped weight watchers. I can't remember at all to write stuff down. Things are just so forgotten lately. DP your killing me.
(DP) is my code for Depression.
Well i guess we will see how this week goes.
My other issue is food. We have a love hate relationship. I just have to eat the right amount of food i either go under or over what i should be eating. My fitness pal is a good site that was recommended by a friend but it's hard to get online and do it sometimes so i have no clue if what i am eating is enough. I tried writing down what i eat but i forgot to do it. I just can't remember that's why i stopped weight watchers. I can't remember at all to write stuff down. Things are just so forgotten lately. DP your killing me.
(DP) is my code for Depression.
Well i guess we will see how this week goes.
A day with no yelling...and a friend that cares
AMEN to no yelling today. This day was very relaxing and nice. I didn't have to yell or raise my voice at all. It was so nice.. the only thing i didn't like about the day is my son thought it was okay to play on the computer.. and so did someone else in my house. The one who wears the pants. Not sure if that is Lukas or My husband but it was both today. He was calm and did some chores. It's hard to get him to do chores but i did have to bribe him. He might have said no a few times but it was not with an attitude. He even went to VBS without having a huge fit. I am just glad it was a new day and we are starting over. It's a new beginning.
I know God brings people into our lives for a reason and sometimes i do feel like I am alone and pushed in the back corner. It is hard to make an effort when no one else does sometimes. I am really glad that God brought someone in my life that understands what i am going through not only with my child but hormonally. This person has been through it too and gets it. She knows how to talk to me and how to help me figure out things to do and say. I know i need help and have been dealing with things for a long time. It just took this one person help me. Again GOD brings someone into your life to help you come closer to him..
I also have a small group of women who I know are always praying for me thinking about me and they know who they are. They knew how to help me and what i was going through. I thank God so much for them too.
It has always been hard for me to keep friends. I had a friend and then they got another friend and would never call back and it made me feel alone. I have felt that way and still do but i know that if i get some help i will be happy and not so angry all the time. I hate the way i feel all the time i hate the way people make me feel. I hate that having depression all these years has done that to me. It makes me angry and sad. Yes I have been through a lot of crap deaths, marriage first born having a heart condition surgery at 13 days old. God got me through it all.
God has helped me with so much. I always put everything in his hands and trust that he will get me through it if i don't worry about it. I think everyone needs to talk. It's am not complaining I just need to get things out. I know i will always have one friend to count on and that is GOD. Sometimes you do need more than that though. Just so you know the commercial about depression are so right and i never knew i had it and hearing the commercials made me think...wow that's me. It really does help to get things off your chest.
I will always keep close to my heart
I will do all things through christ who strengths me.
I said that scripture at my mothers funeral because it was something that kept me going
I know God brings people into our lives for a reason and sometimes i do feel like I am alone and pushed in the back corner. It is hard to make an effort when no one else does sometimes. I am really glad that God brought someone in my life that understands what i am going through not only with my child but hormonally. This person has been through it too and gets it. She knows how to talk to me and how to help me figure out things to do and say. I know i need help and have been dealing with things for a long time. It just took this one person help me. Again GOD brings someone into your life to help you come closer to him..
I also have a small group of women who I know are always praying for me thinking about me and they know who they are. They knew how to help me and what i was going through. I thank God so much for them too.
It has always been hard for me to keep friends. I had a friend and then they got another friend and would never call back and it made me feel alone. I have felt that way and still do but i know that if i get some help i will be happy and not so angry all the time. I hate the way i feel all the time i hate the way people make me feel. I hate that having depression all these years has done that to me. It makes me angry and sad. Yes I have been through a lot of crap deaths, marriage first born having a heart condition surgery at 13 days old. God got me through it all.
God has helped me with so much. I always put everything in his hands and trust that he will get me through it if i don't worry about it. I think everyone needs to talk. It's am not complaining I just need to get things out. I know i will always have one friend to count on and that is GOD. Sometimes you do need more than that though. Just so you know the commercial about depression are so right and i never knew i had it and hearing the commercials made me think...wow that's me. It really does help to get things off your chest.
I will always keep close to my heart
I will do all things through christ who strengths me.
I said that scripture at my mothers funeral because it was something that kept me going
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Ruin my day thank you
My oldest son has a nasty attitude and will ruin your day by being so nasty. He is very demanding and in the morning can be very mean. When he wants to eat he says i want i want i want.. i told him we don't say i want we ask nicely.. He kept saying I WANT to eat I WANT the computer I want the TV. I told him to do his responsibilities first if he wanted the computer.. of course he said no. His other favorite word. His attitude already ruined my day and its 9 am here. He dis-repected me calling me names. Tell me to shut up. Not sure what i can do with him anymore. Tired of fight tired of yelling i hate to say it but tired of him. He is giving me gray hair and i am not even 30 yet. I know my depression is makes me angry and my fuse is shorter than usual but this kid does not help.
I feel like i am the only one who feels like I am a horrible parent. Or the only one who has a child who misbehaves everyday. I don't get a good day or peace and quiet from him. He doens't nap so i never get a break from him. He is the only kid i know who has to be by us and can't play in his room. He's ruining my relationship with my husband too. He acts worse to get what he wants from daddy and daddy just gives it to him.
Does anyone else feel this way.. Does anyone who has depression feel this way?? Like they can't handle it or are yelling all day long?? I am still trying new things to help with his behavior but it will last for one or two days and he is back to his normal bad self.
I needed to get that off my chest because i can't stand this every day behavior that ruins my WHOLE DAY.
I feel like i am the only one who feels like I am a horrible parent. Or the only one who has a child who misbehaves everyday. I don't get a good day or peace and quiet from him. He doens't nap so i never get a break from him. He is the only kid i know who has to be by us and can't play in his room. He's ruining my relationship with my husband too. He acts worse to get what he wants from daddy and daddy just gives it to him.
Does anyone else feel this way.. Does anyone who has depression feel this way?? Like they can't handle it or are yelling all day long?? I am still trying new things to help with his behavior but it will last for one or two days and he is back to his normal bad self.
I needed to get that off my chest because i can't stand this every day behavior that ruins my WHOLE DAY.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
p90x
So we started it last week and i hurt my back and lower abs i felt like it was so tight that when i moved it was tearing.. seriously why is it i keep getting hurt with this stuff. First insanity now this.
We are on the second week and i missed the first day already. I am hoping by posting this it will keep me accountable and forget about being hurt. I have been also taking CInch by shaklee which is a meal replacement that helps you lose weight, curve your appetite and helps build muscles mass. It really does make me feel full. Sometimes i can't help it but eat so this help keep me satisfied during the day. If you want some more info on Shaklee let me know i can send you my site you will also get 15% off. membership is a one time thing too. They have everything Green. vitamins for adults and children also cleaning products. I got some pills to help my mood since i have been so depressed. I love their accelerate you drink it during your workout or when you feel you need a little pick up when it hot out.
I also got a drink for after your workout haven't tried it yet but hope it helps.. it is supposed to help with your muscles and with helping you not feel so sore.
SO much to do with living a different lifestyle i know so much but feel like i don't know anything sometimes. I have done so many diets i hate it. I do want to change but don't have that motivation anymore. it's gone. My hubby and i are doing this together so we keep each other motivated and going.
Have to take before pictures we forgot whoops and measurements it did help last time we did insanity. Of course hubby lost weight very quickly due to not drinking any soda. Me i never drink it and only water so it's what i am eating plus the lack of motivation. I just want to get to my goal before we go to Disney then my next goal and so on.
Now i know why my mom did gastric bypass but i would never recommend it to anyone. I killed her before she even got out of the hospital..
I just have to remember to keep going and
BRING IT!
We are on the second week and i missed the first day already. I am hoping by posting this it will keep me accountable and forget about being hurt. I have been also taking CInch by shaklee which is a meal replacement that helps you lose weight, curve your appetite and helps build muscles mass. It really does make me feel full. Sometimes i can't help it but eat so this help keep me satisfied during the day. If you want some more info on Shaklee let me know i can send you my site you will also get 15% off. membership is a one time thing too. They have everything Green. vitamins for adults and children also cleaning products. I got some pills to help my mood since i have been so depressed. I love their accelerate you drink it during your workout or when you feel you need a little pick up when it hot out.
I also got a drink for after your workout haven't tried it yet but hope it helps.. it is supposed to help with your muscles and with helping you not feel so sore.
SO much to do with living a different lifestyle i know so much but feel like i don't know anything sometimes. I have done so many diets i hate it. I do want to change but don't have that motivation anymore. it's gone. My hubby and i are doing this together so we keep each other motivated and going.
Have to take before pictures we forgot whoops and measurements it did help last time we did insanity. Of course hubby lost weight very quickly due to not drinking any soda. Me i never drink it and only water so it's what i am eating plus the lack of motivation. I just want to get to my goal before we go to Disney then my next goal and so on.
Now i know why my mom did gastric bypass but i would never recommend it to anyone. I killed her before she even got out of the hospital..
I just have to remember to keep going and
BRING IT!
Monday, July 9, 2012
My BOYs
Let me introduce my boys
Ken is my hubby we have been married since may 22 2004
He is an officer and works very hard at what he does and kicks everyone else at work. He gets so many points he got officer of the year this year. Very proud of my man. Like the song says.. He works hard for the money so hard for it hunny and that is my man. Love him so much.
Ken is my hubby we have been married since may 22 2004
He is an officer and works very hard at what he does and kicks everyone else at work. He gets so many points he got officer of the year this year. Very proud of my man. Like the song says.. He works hard for the money so hard for it hunny and that is my man. Love him so much.
The Second man in my life is Lukas a very special, handsome, determined little boy. He is so determined he survived heart surgery at 13 days old and is still fighting to survive. He is 4 years old and acts like a teen already. He has RSV and is still having to see a pediatric heart doctor every so often. The one kid i pray for so many time a day for not just behavior but for his heart. Here he is now.
The newest man in my life is Jordan a sweet, layed back, funny, adorable, cuddly little guy. reminds me of his daddy probably why i love him so much. Here he is
All these boys/men are very special to me and I wouldn't want it any other way. They do bring me joy a different kind of joy. I will always cherish them.
Disney Trips = Happiness
Disney trips are the one thing that bring me happiness. I swear i need to work for Disney or planning Disney trips. Something about planning my Disney trip that makes me feel so different. Don't get me wrong my baby boy brings me happiness too but this is different. All the family memories and being at Disney reminds me of my mother.
Meeting Stitch at Ohanas
His Aunt got him his first mickey ears with his name on it
His first time in the baby pool
My adorable nephews
My mother passed away when i was 19 years old and we went to Disney almost every year. The pools the rides, meeting all the characters just brings me joy. Walking on main street brings a smile to my face. It's just making those memories there that maybe make me think my mother is there with us. It really is the happiest place on earth... at least for the children. The parents get a little overwhelmed after a while but seeing your kids faces when they see their favorite character brings tears to your eyes.
We have been going to Disney as a family with our oldest since he was 8 months old. The first time we went with my brother and sister in law and nephews. I wasn't sure about going with a baby it didn't seem like fun to me. I honestly thought it was easier when he was 8 months then it was at 22 months. Disney makes it easier for you to go with your family when they are any age. It's not cheap to go but they are free until 3.. You don't have to pay for food for them or park tickets. Some people say they won't remember it.. well ask my son about it he will tell you his favorite ride who he met there and all the fun he had. He's four now but he would have told us at the age of 2 and 3 what we did there. They can go on rides too....they have tons of rides for little ones. If they can't go on get a switch pass.. if you don't now what that is it's a fast pass that is given to the person that waits for the other person. They have to wait on the line but when they are done you get to jump on the fast pass. If you don't know what a fast pass is it's a ticket that gets you to jump the line and you get on the ride faster. Seriously i can talk about Disney all day everyday.
Here are some pictures of my son Lukas first trip to Disney. We stayed at Caribbean resort
Here are some pictures of my son Lukas first trip to Disney. We stayed at Caribbean resort
Here is a Picture of my son at 22 months at his second trip to Disney went to breakfast at cape may and went for a walk at the Beach Club Resort.
His Third trip we went with my sister and i was 7 months pregnant.. blah..it was hot and i was so swollen.
You can make memories everywhere but Disney to me is the one you will always remember and when you are older your kids will bring their kids and start a tradition that you started with them.
Got to get things off my chest
Its so hard sometimes being a mom. It has it's good and bad days like today my oldest son Lukas whom-just turned four said
"mommy I love you"four times today. Honestly I was shocked because he never says that to me. I usually say everyday
"I love you, just not your behavior right now. We say it all the time to him."It can be ruff sometimes, but what you don't know is something I am going through that not many understand. Depression I don't want to bring it up and when I do people don't know how to talk to me or just ignore it/me. This doesn't help my situation. I didn't know I had postpartum depression with my first born until having my second son Jordan. I told a friend what was going on and she knew how i felt and told me that i might have it, so i looked it up on the internet and yah it seemed correct. So i did therapy for a while and it helped. Buy Everyday is different. It hasn't been to the point were I wanted to kill myself or my children, but it makes you feel empty. You feel alone and not myself. I don't want to clean or go shopping (and the people who know me shopping is my thing). It just makes me not want to be around people sometimes and I can't help it. I am a Christian woman so I have prayed that God would fill that lonely and take it away for good, but he can only do so much when it comes to depression. I realized I have had it for many years which would explain my eating and lack of energy, not sleeping well, and just being soo angry all the time. I always felt lonely and not loved as a teen so it does explain why I felt that way. I just had to get it off my chest. Hi my name is Jessica and I have depression. Don't judge me just reach out and help me. Pray for me
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